"One Day at a Time"

"So today I was sitting at a desk in an anonymous exurban office complex, in a town where you can’t spit without hitting a conservative foundation, the first day of my new job. I was the one wearing itchy pantyhose and polyester, trying hard to stay awake. You knew it wouldn’t be simple, didn’t you? I mean, this is me. (Plus, it’s that goddamned Mercury retrograde.) I wasn’t in my new office five minutes when the migraine scotoma formed and I was virtually blind for a half-hour. I figured out it wasn’t only the sunlight hitting the blinds that triggered it; it was the fluorescent lighting, too.

I felt better after I went into the restroom and threw up, though. Then I remembered I’d had the same problem at my last job. It’s been so long since I had steady work, I’d completely forgotten.

Spend two years in the unemployment trenches, and you look real hard for a friggin’ silver lining in your life. (You have to, if you want to survive.) Even though I wouldn’t wish the same situation on anyone, my silver lining was the opportunity to write this blog and get to know my readers. You guys act like it was no big deal, but damn! You took care of me. When I was sick, broke, and depressed, you not only paid my bills, you offered endless encouragement and emotional support. Kind of a miracle, really. I’m not used to such unconditional compassion.
See, the longer my joblessness went on, the more I suspected I was a real loser – and I don’t like feeling like a loser. While there are few people who can shake my self-esteem, shaky finances do it every time.

It’s not just the lack of money, although that does change the way people see you. (Money is how people with no talent keep score, my favorite button says.) It’s about a sense of your own competence. It’s also about autonomy, independence and the ability to chart your future. With this new job, for the first time in a long time, I’m going to have options. It’s all rather mind-boggling, especially for someone who’s been a professional beggar for most of the past six months."-from Susie's post on her blog, Suburban Guerilla. Her comments resonate with underemployed, intermittently unemployed and recently re-employed bloggers everywhere. Like me.