"Another Terrorist Plot Revealed!"

BREAKING NEWS...! (from Goldy on The Huffington Post)

REUTERS, London -- British police foiled yet another terrorist plot today, announcing the arrest of a 340-pound Egyptian man planning to blow up an airliner over the Atlantic using homemade explosives derived from his own body.
British authorities say the unidentified man planned to use the on-board lavatory as a mobile chemical lab, where he would render his own fat and refine it into bio-diesel while extracting urea nitrate from his own urine.

According to an NSA terrorism expert who spoke on condition of anonymity, a typical "fat arab" could easily extract sufficient material from his own fluids to mix enough ANFO explosive to bring down a Boeing 747. "This is the nightmare scenario we've all been predicting," the NSA official told Reuters.

In response, the US Transportation Security Administration (TSA) immediately instructed airport screeners to prevent fat people from boarding planes, and ordered all bathrooms to be locked and sealed on flights of six hours or more. A spokesman for the International Airline Passengers Association called the TSA's new regulations a "mixed blessing" in terms of its total impact on passenger comfort.