Mike?: "Mr. Civility" and "Stand Up Guy"

Darryl:

I was thrilled to read about your “three strikes” plan with its mandatory drug-abuse testing for Welfare recipients. It is about time we take action against those societal leaches, and make them think twice about signing up to pick our pockets. And your proposal to snatch away parental rights for those who “strike out” is a beautiful example of Compassionate Conservativism™ baked to perfection!
(snip)
I think all too much has been made of the irony that you were once arrested for DUI. The blogs are going nuts suggesting that your right to be in a relationship should be revoked because you drove your wife-to-be around while you were stinking drink. I’ve even heard demands that you submit to substance abuse evaluation for the good of your own young children out of fear that you might be setting a bad example (perhaps fueled by your recent admission that you still socially drink and drive).

Don’t concern yourself with these silly criticisms. Remember, Mike!™, you can diffuse such arguments in a way that only a man of your stature and achievement can. You can simply point out that you have given your children the gift of a gated community, the moral fiber of a home life isolated from the ugliness (and, frankly, the raw stench) of poor people with their filthy little habits. You have given your children the gift of a trust fund conditional on a clean record. Finally, you have given your children the emotional security of knowing that, if need be, they have the financial certainty to spend a few months in rehab.

Frankly, Mike!™, you are just plain better than poor people, and that’s why you deserve to be our next Senator.

My favorite comment from a reader of Goldy's post on this topic:

How about drug testing for corporate welfare recipients? They receive a helluva lot more in federal money than do individual recipients. Maybe Halliburton’s shareholders should all have to pee in a cup before we give them any more taxpayer dollars.

And my favorite part of Goldy's post:

Leaving aside the obvious irony of Mike?™ calling for a crackdown on substance abuse, I guess my biggest question for the candidate would be whether he has a dollar figure attached to his proposal, and how he expects to pay for it?